Through the Night

   Hey everyone, welcome.

   Being perfectly honest, I was planning on writing another awesome post like the last few days. Then I saw the above picture on Pinterest during my daily Pinning. I have no idea where the picture originated, but I've been in that position. There are still days where I will be in that position.

   Nights are the hardest for me. If I'm not tired enough or way too tired, then my thoughts will turn that way. Sure, it's not as bad now, but I still have vivid and recent memories of just crying, asking if for just a little while that it would all just go away. Nights that seemed to go on for hours, knowing I'd have to fake it in the morning and not wanting to.
   I'm always scared of something. Typically it's of my friends, through no fault of their own. I'm scared of one day not being able to trust them anymore. I'm scared of them leaving or betraying me, which I'm 105% positive (now) that they wouldn't do. But the fear is always there. For some reason, I can't shake it when the lights go out.
   Now when I have these nights, I ask why. Why do I still cry? I mean, it should all be gone now right? It's been months since Carmen back-stabbed me and left. I've made peace of a ton of things, before and after that day. Why do I still cry?

   I think it's because in a short amount of time, the probability of seeing my friends will go down dramatically. It'll be harder for me to contact them when I miss them. I don't really want the day to come when I'll wake up and suddenly realize that they're gone.
   Change is scary. A lot scary. And I know it'll be alright in the end. But that's in the end. Right now, it's hard. There's a storm coming. I'll make it through, but I'm scared of what (or who) I'll lose on the way.

   Sorry, I promise tomorrow will be a bit more lighthearted. Even in a bad mood, I still love writing here and it keeps my morale up. :)

-Kayla