Holding On

   Hey, everyone! My usual welcome is now in the sidebar, so now everyone can see it! Well, in the web version you can. I'm still learning the technicalities of the mobile view.

   Now, there's been a lot of things going on. There was that bad spell on Saturday, along with just a whole ton of other things, like Mother's Day, which was pretty enjoyable. I thought I might make today a memory day, cause I've been having a lot of those today. And since I've also been doing a lot of songs recently here, I may as well share the memory involving one more.
   As you've probably gathered, songs mean just about as much as books do to me. They do tell a story most of the time and this one tells a very good one.

   I found this song on accident. It wasn't planned and I certainly wasn't paying attention. This was one of the days before I realized I had depression, though I suspected. I never even thought or knew about social anxiety until after this happened.
   That day, I was so sick of everything. I was upset because I didn't know what was going on. I was scared because Carmen was leaving (this was when she still cared) and I was afraid that one day I'd get the news that Nora would be leaving too.
   I started asking, what was the point in making friends if they just left anyway? What was the point, because I didn't mean enough for them to want to stay? I was easily forgotten. They'd leave and be happy, forgetting about little old me. I mean, it wasn't the first time or only time it'd ever happened. So, what was the point?
   That's what I thought. That was what I believed.

   Looking back, I know it was wrong. But I can still remember the hopelessness. As I typically did, I tried to distract myself listening to songs I loved and knew well to help. Nothing helped and I didn't feel like bothering anyone with another despairing email. Then I saw the song's icon and name on YouTube. Thinking, well, what the heck? So I clicked it.
   I didn't even hear the words all the way through the first time. The music video spoke for itself. I started crying and played it a second time for the words, bringing about another bout of tears. My family was home, it was the middle of the day, but I just sobbed.
   For the first time in a really long time, I felt hope again. I didn't get a voice in my head telling me anything. I just got a feeling. A feeling to just hold on, because something was coming. Someone was going to make everything alright again. So I held on. And they did. They came. And I'll never stop being grateful to them or Him.

   This is the video I saw. I still can't watch it without tearing up. Even writing this brought back those memories. I don't own the copy-write, but I have the song on my iPod after months of searching. I hope you like it.

-Kayla