Feelings Overload

   Hey, everyone! I've updated the sidebar, so check out the changes. I apologize in case I don't meet my 8pm deadline because my brain probably kept going. I also warn you that it probably gets emotional toward the end, as that's where my thoughts are going.

   Now, I think I've said before that my feelings can get out of control. Yesterday, I talked about how there were too many words in my head. It's the same with feelings.
   Feelings are so hard to control. Sometimes I'll be in a bad mood, but it'll take me hours or days to figure out why. There will be times where I'll forget how to be in a good mood. It's hard, sometimes, to separate my thoughts from reality.
   People think that I live in a fantasy land when I say that. I don't, unless that fantasy consists of arguing with former friends or thinking about nightmares where close friends or family die. It drags me down, and I can't do anything to stop it because at that point I'm stuck.
   So I go to my computer and contact my friends. I don't always tell them exactly what it is that's bothering me. I just want to see a reply, because that alone lifts my spirits. Even if it's just a simple what's the homework or asking some random question. I don't know why it makes me so happy.

   I'm getting better at catching those bad moments sooner, though. I'll think back through the day, stepping backward through my thoughts and memories until I find the general or specific moment I went downhill. Usually that helps.
   Sometimes though, I can still do that, but I'm already downhill. If I've got too many feelings built up, my natural response is to cry. Most others I know get angry or shut down. I run away and cry because, well, I'm not sure. I'm still wondering why.
   So I've got videos, movies, songs, to watch or listen to when I'm like that. Because sometimes you just need a nice cry to make you feel better. I have poems that remind me about Jade and pictures too. There's a scene from a tv show I've never watched, but saw a story on Pinterest on it. It reminds me about how I felt when my friends in the past left me, when Carmen hurt me, and how I felt each time.
I put my heart into each friendship, even slightly minor ones. It's because of who I am, I can't help it. Of course it hurts each time a friend leaves, especially forcefully. My heart breaks as much as the friendship meant to me. Kind of makes me scared of when I eventually have a boyfriend.

   I'm going to put that scene here. It's from The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. Course, I don't own it and all that copy-write stuff. But here's the story behind that scene that hits me right in the heart. Will was supposed to brush the situation off as if it was nothing, but since his father had left him, just like in the show, he couldn't. So the hug you see isn't just character to another character. It's from an actor to an actor, a friend to a friend.
   Hits me most when Will shouts "To Hell with him!" I can't stop crying and even just thinking about it makes me choke up with some tears in my eyes. Here's the video.

-Kayla