Hey, everyone. Happy Fathers' Day!
I'm going to save a talk on fathers for another day. Today, I should probably write what I've been meaning to do for days.
Two days ago was a big stepping stone in my life. I barely felt time as the event progressed. I didn't even cry like I thought I would.
Luckily, there are several pictures to help me remember the event. I also received a scrap book of pictures from the past several years to remember the place I just left.
Of course, in those pictures, there were some of Carmen and myself. Being honest, I'm kind of happy they are there.
Two days ago was a big stepping stone in my life. I barely felt time as the event progressed. I didn't even cry like I thought I would.
Luckily, there are several pictures to help me remember the event. I also received a scrap book of pictures from the past several years to remember the place I just left.
Of course, in those pictures, there were some of Carmen and myself. Being honest, I'm kind of happy they are there.
After so many months of hurt and pain, I came to understand something. As much as I'm still hurt, as much as I still get sad, nothing can replace the happy memories.
There are two Carmens that I remember. One being the girl who betrayed me, who left me using tactics that I'd previously said I feared most. The second being the girl who'd been a close friend, someone who I enjoyed so much to talk to, because someone was finally taking some time to listen to me.
There are two Carmens that I remember. One being the girl who betrayed me, who left me using tactics that I'd previously said I feared most. The second being the girl who'd been a close friend, someone who I enjoyed so much to talk to, because someone was finally taking some time to listen to me.
I have my friends now who listen and talk to me more than she did then. Still, Carmen did help me to open up more again.
Even if she did say I hadn't and even if I still resent that, there is that other side to her. No matter how much pain I go through, there's a side to myself that I can't shake away.
Even as Carmen started hurting me (I don't even think she did it intentionally then, but I don't know), I still doubted it. I kept pushing away at the suggestion she could be lying. I didn't have any reason to believe that she could be.
When I found out she'd talked behind my back and her reaction when I confronted her, that was when I left her be. It's still hard for me to believe it sometimes, especially after I learned some new circumstances a few weeks ago.
Even if she did say I hadn't and even if I still resent that, there is that other side to her. No matter how much pain I go through, there's a side to myself that I can't shake away.
Even as Carmen started hurting me (I don't even think she did it intentionally then, but I don't know), I still doubted it. I kept pushing away at the suggestion she could be lying. I didn't have any reason to believe that she could be.
When I found out she'd talked behind my back and her reaction when I confronted her, that was when I left her be. It's still hard for me to believe it sometimes, especially after I learned some new circumstances a few weeks ago.
I'm glad for the photos. With them, I can remember the happy times. I already remember the bad without reminders. I want something to remind me of the friend I know is buried somewhere in there. Her friendship didn't come from nowhere.
In my heart, that is what I believe of many.
In my heart, that is what I believe of many.
And now, a song. Don't own it, blah, blah, blah. You know, all the copy-write stuff and anything don't belong to me. :)
-Kayla
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