Feeling Old

   Hey, everyone. I'm sorry I didn't publish yesterday.

   One thing I never wanted to do was get old. I don't mean it in a sense of aging, like numbers or looks. I mean it as a loss of a kind of innocence.
    With my depression, social anxiety, and losing more of those who matter most to me than I'd like to count, I feel older than what I look or my age really is.

   Jade has been on my mind a lot lately. So has Carmen, as I've actually been interacting with her in person today. I don't know if she knows that I'm still a little bothered by her. I don't show it, though. I'm trying not to hold a grudge or get mad.
   Back to Jade though. She helped me a lot to cope when she was still alive. My bad spells weren't as bad back then. Or maybe they were, but she helped me handle them better.

   More than anything, I want to be with her again. I know we'll have all eternity in heaven together when I eventually pass on in, hopefully, the far future. But, all I want is just a moment.
   A moment to hold her again. Hear her purr again. See that she's alright. Let her know that I'm okay.
   I was/am her baby as much as she was/is mine.

   Do me a favor, if you have a pet or someone you're close to, just give them a hug or call them up and say "Thank you." or "I love you." You don't have to give a reason, just do it.
   Because you never know when it'll be the last time. And I pray, for as long as it may be, that they stay with you for as long as possible.

-Kayla