Fear

   Hey, guys.

   Fear stinks. It's paralyzing, it doesn't have mercy. It takes hold and is hard to shake off. I hate being scared.
   I hate not knowing what's going on. With myself. If one of my friends is hurt or in trouble. Or if it's my family in that position. Anything.

   I don't know what's going to happen in the next week or so. I'm going to cry. A lot. I'm going to have to say goodbye to my friends, though I'll probably be seeing them again in the future and not long after, too.
   Saying goodbye's scary, especially when the people you're saying it to mean so much to you. And you never know if it'll be for the last time. Like when I last saw Carmen in person. Like the birthday call from my grandfather on my birthday, two days before he passed away.
   Sometimes you do know it'll be the last time. Like when we had to put Jade down. That still hurts.

   I don't want to say goodbye. I don't think I can. Because goodbye is too final. Goodbye is too painful. And my friends deserve more than that from me.
   I don't know what I will say in the coming weeks. But I hope when I do, I won't be afraid anymore.

-Kayla