NOT Helpless

   Hey, everyone. It's been a long time again. I'm trying, I really am. Just been a bit sick. Lost motivation to even be on Pinterest two days ago. Happens.

   So, I've been doing a lot of thinking lately instead. I'm not normal. I've said that before. Several times I wonder what others think of me. I've been called Wise. Caring. True Friend. Getting ready to take on the world.
   I've also been called helpless. Asked repetitively if I had any of the symptoms of depression, before I even thought that of myself. Been told to be more social.
   Sad thing is, my friends are the ones who've told me more of the things in the first paragraph. The other comments came from my family and therapist (back when I had the latter).

   Maybe I shouldn't say "sad thing is". But it hurts. To me, family should be to encourage you, help you get through the tough stuff, even if they're just there for moral support. But more often than not, it's more criticism than support. I can barely even get through talking about my depression or social anxiety without one of three things happening: 1) It gets misinterpreted; 2) Dismissed after some consideration; 3) Dismissed entirely with no thought or complete misinterpretation.

   I was told recently that "helpless" comment. And the reasons for why are completely off base. They actually more fit the one who made the "conclusion" in the first place. One example: I, in their eyes, would give up on something as soon as it gave me trouble.
   No. I take a break, fully intending on coming back later, because it drives me nuts when I can't figure out what was done wrong. The catch is that I'm easily distracted and don't always remember. I hate people reminding me, because at this point, the ones doing the most reminding (aka my family) are doing it in such a way that makes it sound like I'm either 5 or stupid.

   I'm not helpless. If I was, I'd have given up a long time ago. If that "giving up when things got tough" comment was true, I'd ended everything a long time ago. Things are still hard. It's even harder when people around you make a comment that nearly diminishes everything you've always dreamed of doing. Always planned and hoped. That was one of my bad days last week.

   I'm stronger than maybe even I give myself credit for. But I hold out hope, you see. That's what keeps me going.
   Hope for a better world. Hope to have good friends. Hope for a better me.

-Kalya