First or Last

   Hey, everyone. I'm so sorry about not posting yesterday or the day before. I was finishing up the last bouts of a stomach bug and then time just escaping me when I just had so much to do. Seriously, don't hold off stuff to the last minute. Horrible idea.

   I was planning on writing a nice long post today, but I'm honestly not sure how long it'll be. My day's kinda been flopping around everywhere and the topic that I'm about to write about is something that's been bothering me for months. I still don't know the answer to it and most-likely won't until the issue has passed in a few weeks time.
   So, anyway, you know how in elementary school, they'll line you up in hopes to keep you in a nice straight order in hopes to get you to the next activity on time? Well, I always hated to be first in that line. Even if I knew what to do, I didn't like not being able to have at least one person ahead of me to help lead everyone else. Kind of strange, as I'm still like that in a large-ish group, but if it's just me or a few friends, I don't care. Back to the line, I hated being last as well. Until recently, I never really thought about why.
   I think both of those spots hold the same problem for me. Everyone's pushing me to do something. Either I'm being pushed to lead or pushed to keep up. And either spot is kind of lonely. No one ahead of you or everyone ahead of you.

   Sometimes I don't mind being first. Depending on what it is, I just want to get it over with. Last is tricky. Occasionally I like it because you can see what everyone else has done and now you're more confident in what you yourself will do. Right now, there's something coming up where I'm dreading being the last.
   More than anything, I wish my friends could be there. But seeing as they're the ones going ahead of me in this, they obviously can't be. Sometimes I don't mind. I can't wait to see how they'll do and I know that they'll probably be great. Somehow that confidence in myself wavers.
   I'm making some new friends, ones who seem just as obsessed as myself in common interests. Though, as I said in my last post, I'm great at making friends, but never really sure how long they'll stay.

   Somehow everything will work out in the end. Most of my nerves are already gone before I'm even close to taking the next huge step in my life. That's a really good sign.

   Song again! Don't own the rights, but I love this song. I think it's an original by the YouTuber who posted it. It's one of the happiest instrumental pieces I've ever heard. It brought my spirits up a lot last year after I stumbled across it. :D I think I'll start playing it more again.

-Kayla