Heavy

   Hey everyone.

   Do you ever just have those days where you feel like a weight is on your shoulders? Where you walk around and even if you're fine, it's a good day, but it's just there in the back of your mind? I've had those days a few times recently.
   I've been getting a lot better. Really, it's great. I'm making new friends, getting past some of my fears, being myself without worrying about what anyone thinks.

   I had nearly went back again recently, though. I made a stupid mistake. It probably wouldn't make much sense to anyone why I'm so connected to a computer. But through my inattentiveness, it's now broken, probably without repair.
   Several things went through my head when it happened. "What do I do?" was the first. Next "How do I know how my relatives are doing?" Before "Jade."
   Funny thing is I didn't even think about my friends back home for a while. Not sure why, exactly, but they were one of the last things I thought of, even after Jade came in my mind. I still have yet to tell Jade's full story here, but it did involve my not paying attention before the events leading to her passing.

   That mistake was the ending of bad luck that had happened for the few days before then. I was retreating back into myself again. Something I'd swore to myself never to do again. True, it was more similar to this summer in depth, but after getting into a better state, I don't want to go back.
   I know it's not guaranteed to have a perfect record. Heck, it's not even expected that you should.

   All I want is just to know I've made headway. And I have. The pure fact that I'm more upbeat at the end of this week compared to the horrible start is something to be counted for.
   I go for the little victories. Those add up to winning the war. :)

   I'll be changing the song of the month soon. Check out the archive, anyone who has yet to. See what this blog is about.

-Kayla