Last night, though, that beautiful human being known as Kayla posted a blog that inspired me tenfold. Well, maybe that's the wrong word, but here we are so what else can I call it?
Basically, as you probably know, Kayla is bi. I've known that for months now, and as you can see we're still close friends. But what you might not know is that Kayla and I have vastly different views on some things, one of which is sexuality. Now, we've been friends for just about 8 years now, and we know each other just about as well as anyone can know anyone, so something like this doesn't have too big an effect on our friendship. However, the secret to keeping our friendship so strong is that we're always open and honest with each other, and when I talked to Kayla about some concerns I had about her post, she very generously and graciously invited me to make my own post about the subject. Sort of give both sides of the argument if you will.
I thought that was a fantastic idea, and I'm extremely grateful to her for suggesting it. It takes a special kind of person to allow and even encourage open debate on her own blog about a subject which is difficult and very sensitive, in general and especially to her personally. So before I begin, I want to extend a huge thank you to Kayla. Thanks for being such an incredible human being. (Or as we Oliver Woods of the world would say, a real baller.)
With that said, let's get into it!
As I've mentioned before, I'm Catholic. I take my faith very seriously and it's honestly the most important thing in my life. Most people know that Catholics don't believe in gay marriage, so it seems obvious to say that I don't agree with the way Kayla and basically everyone else in America sees marriage and sexuality. What most people don't know, though, is why Catholics don't believe in gay marriage and why we think living a gay lifestyle is wrong, or even what the Church says about it. Most of the time when I talk to normal people about it, or when I watch tv or read things online that talk about it, I think there's sort of a caricature of Church teaching presented, and the actual teaching of the Church is quite different from what most people think it is. This isn't going to be a theological or philosophical thesis or anything, but I think it's important to present to you exactly what my Church teaches about homosexuality.
Catholics think that having sex with someone of your own gender, or actively and willingly entertaining sexual thoughts about someone of your own gender, is a sin. Why? Because these actions are against the natural law, and against the very essence of what marriage and sexuality are intended for. Let me attempt to explain.
Most people in the modern world see marriage basically as a declaration of love and promise of fidelity to your boyfriend or girlfriend. A way to really make the relationship official. A lot of people think it's unnecessary or outdated, "just a piece of paper." Sex is something fun that two consenting adults can do, either to show their love for one another, or just for the hell of it, depending on the people and the situation. As long as you both consent, it's fine, and you don't need to be married to do it. If you do it with the same person enough times, and like doing it, you might marry them. Marriage is nice, we think, but the vows we make aren't unbreakable. And the point of marriage is basically to spend the rest of your life with the person you love. Well, until you fall out of love with them.
Catholics have a slightly different view of marriage and sex. For us, it's something sacred. When two people get married, they are promising each other that they will remain faithful to each other, whatever happens, until death. They're promising to be together for their entire life. We believe that these marriage vows, if taken with full consent of both parties, can never be broken. We're allowed to divorce in cases of abuse or infidelity, but we aren't allowed to get married again without an annulment, which you can only get if a valid marriage never happened in the first place. For us it's an unbreakable vow of love and fidelity, no matter what.
That's a huge promise to make to someone. And why are we asked to make that promise? That is to say, what's the point of marriage?
Well, there are two purposes (what we call "ends") to marriage. One is what we call the unitive end. This refers to the love between the husband and wife, which mirrors the love between Christ and the Church. This is what it means when we say that husband and wife shall become one flesh. Basically, the point is for them to help each other get to heaven. It's not a selfish love, it's a sacrificial love. It's all those little things you do for your husband or wife, the tiny sacrifices you make to keep your marriage strong. It's called the unitive end because the two of you are one in your goal to get to heaven, and one in your love for each other.
The other end, the primary end, is what we call the procreative end. This refers to the most fun part of marriage- kids! And this is something that is so often missed by so many people. Everything about marriage is geared toward the creation and education of children. It's all about creating the best possible environment for children, bringing them into the world and then raising them to be good people.
As for sex, it serves both the ends of marriage. It's an expression of love that brings the husband and wife closer together than they can be with any other person. The two of them literally become one flesh. Here is where it gets really insane. Remember how I said marriage was sacred? Think about this; in marriage, a husband and wife get to participate in a sacred mystery- the mystery of creation. Their love reflects that of God for the Church. It also reflects the love between the persons of the Holy Trinity. And from their love, new human beings are able to be created and formed. This is the whole point of marriage, and if you miss it you're missing out on the most beautiful part of marriage and romantic love.
By its very nature, and by that I mean literally the way it works, sex is designed to be between a man and woman. Our bodies are complementary to each other, just as our souls are. This is what makes marriage so strong, but it's also what makes sex between a man and a man or a woman and a woman contradictory to natural law. Our bodies literally aren't designed for that to work.
Sex is also inevitably designed for procreation. Again, look at the mechanics of it. The whole point of it is for new life to be created.The point of sex isn't pleasure, although that comes along with it. It isn't even love, although that's an important part of it. The very essence of it is that it unifies a man and a woman, and that it creates new life. We find ways around these things, but they are artificial.
This is why Catholics can never accept gay marriage, birth control or divorce as legitimate, as I hope you can now understand. By doing so we would be saying that marriage isn't what we know it to be, and that sex isn't for what we know it is for. It would be affirming a lie as the truth, and we cannot do that, no matter how hard it might be to hold the positions we hold in the world we live in.
But just because you're LGBT+ doesn't mean we hate you. We understand, some of us firsthand, that LGBT+ people don't choose to be that way. That doesn't mean we believe God wants you to be that way, or that we even know why He allows you to; it only means we acknowledge that we are all broken and flawed in different ways and we don't always choose the areas in which we struggle.
Honestly, I don't know why God allows people to be gay, lesbian, bisexual, or transgender, any more than I understand why He allows people to be anxious or depressed, or why He allows us to struggle with addiction or sexual deviance or any other host of things. Why does one person struggle with something, but not another? None of us know the answer to that question. All we can do is live our lives according to His will as best we can.
It's difficult. Sometimes it feels impossible. But it's not. I know that through personal experience of things Kayla knows about but I am not ready to share publicly.
I wish this could've been a more personal post, but I felt that it was important to get this out there. I love that Kayla has made a place here where both sides can be presented.
So, in conclusion, thank you to anyone who bore with me and to all people out there who might stumble across this, you are loved in a special way by God and I love you too <3 Stay strong and never give up!
Love, Violet
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