Faithful

   Hey! New readers please read the Introducing Me entry when you can. And returning readers, Welcome Back! Glad to see you again.

   Now, one of the things that's been helping me through hard times is my faith. Yes, I'm a Christian. I won't say which denomination, because even if I'm proud of who I am I know others are uncomfortable with the faith. Still, it is an important factor for how I've been getting through hard times, so I did have to bring it up.
   I don't pray for all of my problems to be solved. I don't ask God to give me a miracle for everything. I do pray that He points me in the right direction to help myself. In return, He's given me the knowledge to know who I am, the instincts to know who to trust, and the talents to make an impact in this world.
   Now, I did have doubts. For a long time, I didn't really think He was helping too much. My old friends left me, a few stabbed me in the back, and I lost many who are close to my heart. I didn't really get mad. Anything that makes me angry makes me cry right after, so I generally avoid that feeling. Didn't stop me from getting a bit bothered.
   Then I started listening to some Christian radio stations. I'd gone to Christian camps before through my church, but that uplifting feeling would just last for a week and a little more. With these radio stations, I started having that feeling more often.
   A lot of people have said that they've surrendered totally to God after having those experiences. I think that's pretty cool, though that's not what happened to me. Instead, I regained the feeling of who I am, that I can trust myself, and I can trust that He'll guide me in ways so I'm okay. And, with personal experience, I can say it worked!

   Now, I don't own this song, nor did I write it, or anything like that, so this<<< is my disclaimer. But listening to this song recently reminded me of a time when I felt alone. I didn't really have any friends at the time, as they kept dismissing me. Eventually, I believed that I'd always be one step behind. I already felt dumb, as I was getting mediocre grades compared to my 'friends'. Until a year or so ago.
   I found this song recently and it reminds me of the harsh beginning, but hopefully the start to something better. So, without further ado, Hawk Nelson's "Anyone But You" (and again, I do not own the copyright to this song, so it's not mine).

-Kayla

Characters, Characters

   First things first, if you're new, Welcome! I'd recommend reading the Introducing Me entry before or right after reading this. If you're a returning reader, Welcome Back!

   Today, I'm going to share a happy thought. Yesterday seemed kind of down, so I think that should be balanced out. Also, anything I mention now, I do not own the franchises for, so this<<< is a disclaimer.
   I love to read. It's one of my absolute favorite things to do, other than writing my own stories. But one of my favorite authors is the ever popular Rick Riordan. The first book I read of his was 'The Lost Hero'. I hadn't yet read the Percy Jackson series yet, but luckily there were little spoilers, so I was able to catch up properly in the summer before 'The Son of Neptune' came out. In 'The Lost Hero' there is a character who is the main topic of my thought process today: Leo Valdez.
(Please do not read further in case I start giving spoilers and you don't want them.)

   Leo is my favorite character from this series. He's got an awesome sense of humor. He's a total, um, "ladies man". Not really, but he thinks he is. He's great with tools and loves to be in the workshop.
   Like all great characters, Leo has some flaws, too. He's sometimes uncomfortable being the third wheel to Jason and Piper (both great characters as well). He's got a hard past that makes him unsure about some things. He's got a temper that sometimes gets the better of him. Compared to several of the other characters, he seems to be either flawed the most or flawed the least, depending on which angle you take.
   So, why do I like him so much? This quirky kid with the tool belt? Well, he's himself, for one thing. He also hides behind his humor, saying a couple of time in his POVs (point of view) that it helps keep the pain away for a while. Now do you see why?
   I've seen a quote in many different contexts, even in some fandom contexts (looking at you 'Merlin'). It says: "The loneliest people are the kindest. The saddest people smile the brightest. The most damaged people are the wisest. All because they do not wish to see anyone else suffer the way they do." -Anonymous
   And I think that's a really good thing to keep in mind. I do it every day. For me, enacting that quote, even before I heard it, gave me a warm fuzzy feeling inside. So maybe I don't always crack out the jokes like Leo Valdez to lighten the mood. Instead I try to impart wisdom if and when I can. Little things like that to make other people smile.
    That's all for now. Till next time!

-Kayla

Two Overviews

   First things first, if you're new here, I recommend reading the Introducing Me post. And if you're not new, welcome back!

   Now, I stated in my Introduction that I struggle with Depression and Social Anxiety. Since I know that different people experience these things different ways. I figured I'd give this blog some grounding by stating a little about what I go through.
   My depression circles around my anxiety which circles around my depression, etc. You get the point. That's not easy, but I've got great friends who understand it.
   Depression for me isn't just 'sadness', like the common idea is. I don't want to hurt myself physically, like others do. Mostly cause I'm afraid to hurt myself. But there are other things that happen. I'll cry at night when I know no one's watching. I'll hide behind a smile in public. For a while, it took some time before those smiles turned real.
   My social anxiety didn't help matters. I was afraid to trust anyone, because I was used to no one really listening to me. When I first made some real friends, it was a big shock! I'd had one or two before, but they eventually left for various reasons like moving to a new school or neighborhood. Then suddenly I had a handful of new friends, whom I've thankfully grown very close to. Three of them have helped me through some of the worst parts of my 'bad spells' (I'll be referencing those).

   Through this blog, I'm planning on bringing up these different events. Past, present, and maybe a few fears of the future. They'll be under 'Depression', 'Social Anxiety', 'Bad Spells', and other names similar. I can also give advice as well in some of my posts to help you out as well! Just comment below.
   And don't worry, I'll post about some happy memories as well. After all, to fight bad, there must be good!

-Kayla

Introducing Me

Hello.
   My name is Kayla. I'm new to this, so let's just start with a random thought. I'll be doing that a lot.

   So, how about my first post is about the title? 'Fighting with Memories' Has a double meaning, huh? Either you're fighting to forget something or you're fighting bad memories with good ones. Let's just say, I've done both. And quite often. I've got to give a lot of credit to my friends and some books that have helped me through it. And are currently helping me.
   Anyway, I'll just cut to the chase. This blog is to help other people like me. People who have depression. People who have anxiety, mostly social. This is to give people, like myself, a voice. I'll be posting stories, memories, advice, and anything else I can think of.
   This DOES NOT mean I will permit any downgrading of any kind. If someone starts putting disparaging or hurtful comments here or other words, it will be stopped immediately.
   But, you can share stories. If you're hurt or need advice and that causes you to complain about another person, causing them to be shown in a bad light, I won't hold it against you. I've done it plenty of times, but there is a difference between that and cyber bullying.

   I think that'll be all for now. So, till next time!
-Kayla