A walk in the dark

Hello, this is Felix, Kayla's dorky boyfriend.

So despite having accepted the offer to join this blog close to a year ago, I've only just gotten this account setup, and after a few days, I'm finally trying to write something. Brace yourselves for the most incoherent post you'll ever read, cause I write best at 1 in the morning, but nothing makes sense at this hour. If you've ever crammed an essay that's due at midnight, you know what I'm talking about.

On the other hand, this time of day scares me, more than I'd like to admit. Kayla's gonna fuss, cause I haven't told her much about it, but I can honestly say that, as a 19 year old boy, I am afraid of the dark. Or rather, I am afraid of what comes with it. I have struggled with depression for years, and despite having gotten through what I hope it's the worst of it, I still dread laying in bed and waiting for sleep to take me, because I know in the limbo between laying down and sleep, the whispers will come. The voices that tell me I'm worthless, that I'll never amount to anything, that nobody could ever see past my scars.

But the thing is, the dark isn't so scary when someone is there with you, holding your hand. And for years, I didn't have that. The dark was scary, and sometimes even dangerous for me when I started believing those whispers, but then I found someone that would stand with me. And suddenly, there was a light in the darkness.

So I guess what I'm trying to say, is that all of us here have been in that darkness, right where some of you might be right now. And I am here today as proof, not that you can get through the darkness, because I won't lie, no matter how much I improve, I still have stray thoughts, depressing, violent, even suicidal ones, but that you can survive the darkness. You can't get rid of it, but you CAN beat it. You can beat it so badly that when it tries to rear its ugly head, you look at it funny, think "where'd that come from?" and then squash it down again. And maybe it's not the solution we've all been hoping for, but I'll tell you it's a lot better than being stuck alone in the dark.

Like I said, we've all been there, and we are all at various points on our journey I'm the dark. But none of us have to make that journey alone.

~Felix

P.S: The someone I found, is obviously Fluffy the penguin, who is a gift from Kayla, who is most certainly not my wonderful, shining light in the darkness, nor is she the love of my life. That would just be silly. Penguins are obviously superior warriors.